Tools for Transformation: Introduction to Just Conflict 

Self-care is a primary motivation of all living things

Anything that is alive acts on its own behalf.  Amoeba move from the hot dry places toward the cool wet places.  Plants grow towards the sun and become dormant when conditions are harsh.  When we act in a healthy manner we make choices that create what we need.

For most of us in the developed world the arena in which we can make the biggest gains toward greater safety and satisfaction are in the relationships we build with each other.  The health and harmony of our primary relationships are the biggest determinants of our wellbeing.

There are no relationships that are free of conflict.  Indeed, the most perplexing and hurtful conflicts arise in the relationships we have with those with whom we are closest.  Nevertheless, when we

• determine to address conflicts with others,
• are able to name what the issue is for us such that others can agree that this is a problem for them as well,
• are willing to state what is true for us and can hear what is true for them even when it is not what we are experiencing,

we can move to a place with them where we find shared needs and can each commit to action on our mutual behalf.

When we do this we find our relationships strengthened.