Affairs in Couples Therapy

David Woodsfellow, PhD
Friday May 18th

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Affairs are usually excruciating for one party, exhilarating then guilt-producing for the other. Clients’ affairs can be excruciating and guilt-producing for the therapist too. 

We shouldn't tell clients what to do. Or should we? We should help them take time to explore their options, and the consequences of their decisions. Or shouldn't we? Those are big issues in all therapy.

But in couples therapy it's a lot hotter than in individual therapy. Because the person being hurt by that indecision is sitting right in front of you. In individual therapy a person could take years deciding whether to end an affair. In couples therapy, that decision phase is more intense, but much briefer. In couples therapy, the decision happens in weeks, not years. The working-through phase is where we spend most of our time. 

This phase is when important character change can happen. People change by sharing their pain, their woundedness, and their fear. People change by sharing their compassion, remorse, and regret. Sincere, heart-felt understanding and apology can lead to healing. Couples therapy can be the crucible for this emotional honesty and re-connection. When this happens, intimacy and love are reborn. 

Sometimes this works well, sometimes it doesn't. Our part is to do everything we can to promote this positive working-through.

This training will show you how. Based on a blend of Hendrix, Gottman, Real, and Johnson, I've evolved a method of working with affairs that is straightforward and powerful. It's respectful but no-nonsense. It involves choices and open-hearted sharing. 

Some parts are very easy. For instance, when you get them talking to each other, you don't usually need mirroring. Plain honest, respectful sharing seems to work just fine. 

Some parts are not so easy -- like when someone doesn't want to end their affair. At those times, Terry Real's relationship empowerment approach is what gives the best chance for a good outcome. Empowering the betrayed spouse to speak their truth respectfully can be difficult, but it's the crucial first step. Joining with the unfaithful spouse can be difficult, but it's also crucial. The success or failure of these two steps is often the success or failure of the therapy. 

In this workshop, I'll teach you my method of working with affairs. I think you'll find it helpful.

This workshop will help you
     -  Be more comfortable dealing with affairs in couples therapy
     -  Make sure that you don’t collude with ongoing betrayal
     -  Learn the research findings on the impact of affairs
     -  Clarify when and how to use your scientific knowledge
     -  Clarify when and how to use your own personal values
     -  Learn straightforward methods to help clients end affairs
     -  Facilitate the working-through of hurt, anger and betrayal
     -  Navigate the waters of what-to-ask and what-to-tell

Register Now! 

David Woodsfellow, PhD is a licensed psychologist whose practice is 100% couples therapy.  He has been doing therapy for 25 years and seeing only couples for 20 years.  David was educated at Harvard, Antioch, UC Santa Barbara, Georgia State, and UCLA Medical School.  He has been personally trained by Harville Hendrix, John Gray, John Gottman, Terry Real, and Sue Johnson. 

The Woodsfellow Institute for Couples Therapy is approved by The American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists.  The Woodsfellow Institute for Couples Therapy maintains responsibility for this program and its content.

Included in your registration is a free copy of our new book, Love Cycles, Fear Cycles published by SelectBooks, New York, March 2018. We will be glad to inscribe your book at the workshop.